Positive Psychology – Part 2

As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently started using The Book of Extraordinary Things, a guided journal to help explore the principles of Positive Psychology and see what impact they have on my own health and well-being. I thought I would share how things have been going since I started using it a few weeks ago. But first, a little background about my journaling history…

I have kept some sort of diary or journal since my adolescent days, although I admit I have not always been consistent in my efforts. There are definitely gaps where I (sadly) did not write at all and there are years where I documented my thoughts and experiences every day. I often like to look back at these journals to see what I was doing or feeling at a particular time in my life.

In January of this year, I committed to journaling every day and I have made it a part of my bedtime ritual to put my thoughts to paper before going to sleep. However, in the last couple of months, I started to notice that my entries were becoming quite rote – mainly just a rehash of my daily routines, and often a bit of fussing over something negative that happened to me. As helpful as it was to get these thoughts out of my head before going to sleep, I wasn’t feeling inspired and started to notice that it even soured my mood to revisit the “bad” parts of my day. For these reasons, I was excited to start using The Book of Extraordinary Things as a way to refresh my whole perspective on journaling.

Preparation

I first set aside some time to answer the questions in the “Preparation” section, a self-inventory where you can describe who you are and what you want in your life. It is a place to identify your strengths, values, and achievements as well as your goals and dreams. I especially loved the questions regarding what you want to do more of (reading for pleasure!) and what you would like to do less of (worrying!). There is also a “visioning” section where you can list things you want to celebrate in the next three, six and twelve months – and a full-page mini vision board for your complete creative expression around these desires.

Exploration

The majority of the journal consists of the “Exploration” pages, which can be used daily or weekly. As you’ll see in the screenshot below, the left side of the page has “Top Three Quests,” where you can list your most important tasks for the day. Below that is the “Field Notes” section which is flexible space that you can use however you’d like, e.g., plan your day, make lists, draw, doodle, etc. Personally, since I journal at night, I use the Top Three Quests to identify the most important or meaningful things I accomplished that day. And so far, I have been using the Field Notes as a general overview of the day, capturing any key thoughts or experiences that aren’t covered by the journal prompts – which are my favorite part of the journal (so far).

On the right side of the page are journal prompts based on the PERMA-V principles of Positive Psychology (click here for a refresher or if you missed Part 1 of this post). These questions are designed to cultivate awareness around what is “going right” with you and your day. It starts with identifying one good thing from your day (or week). Then, you can share how you used your gifts, and how you helped someone – or how someone helped you. You can describe something that inspired you as well as something of which you are proud. Finally, there is a line to simply express your mood.

I have found these prompts to be so helpful in expanding – and shifting – my perspective on what I want to document about my day. Even in just three weeks, I feel like I am much more focused and aware of all the good things that happen on a daily basis. Sometimes it takes a little time to think about it, especially at the end of a long day but I can always come up with something. It may be as small as patting myself on the back for making dinner at home when I really just wanted to order takeout. Or expressing gratitude for the super-friendly post office employee who made my day with her pleasant attitude in our five-minute encounter on a Friday afternoon.

I believe these journaling exercises are also helping build my resilience, as I find myself looking for the silver lining on those days when it seems like I am surrounded by negativity. For example, in the wake of all of the recent mass shootings in this country, I chose to focus on the brave police officers and emergency responders who put their lives on the line to help others in need. I was also inspired by the El Paso community members who rallied around the gentleman who lost his wife, his only family member, and feared there would be no one at her funeral. At his request, the funeral home invited the entire community to attend – and strangers came from El Paso and all over the United States to support him. The response was so overwhelming the funeral home had to move the service to a larger facility to handle the crowd. It is acts such as this that restore my faith in humanity in these challenging times.

Reflection

At the end of the journal, there is a section called “Reflection” with some prompts to examine your journey and reflect on the path forward. The journal is essentially designed to last three months if you use it on a daily basis, or close to two years if you use it weekly. I currently plan to continue using it on a daily basis and I look forward to some reflection and introspection at the end of three months. I plan to write a follow up post at that time too.

I typically refrain from endorsing health and wellness products, but I am willing to make an exception in this case. I love The Book of Extraordinary Things and I am so proud of my colleague, Alexis Buckles, for sharing her vision and bringing this book to life. It is beautifully designed and crafted from front to back and filled with the magic of possibility on the pages in between. If you are looking for a way to increase self-awareness and positivity in support of your well-being, I highly recommend checking out The Book of Extraordinary Things.

(Note: I am not being compensated in any way for blogging about this journal. In fact, I contributed to the Kickstarter campaign to help Alexis bring the book to life, so I paid for my copy. I just believe in supporting other wellness practitioners who have high quality, meaningful products or services to offer to those of us wanting to optimize our health and well-being.)

Gratitude: Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

I recently facilitated a stress management program and one of the sessions was about resilience, the ability to bounce back in the face of adversity. We discussed the ABCDE tool, which is helpful in shifting one’s perspective about an event or situation that would typically prompt a negative response or reaction. The equation is simple: A + B = C (+ D = E), which is based on Albert Ellis’ model:

The “C” (consequences, typically negative emotions) stem not directly from the “A” (adversity or activating event) but from the “B” (one’s beliefs about the adversity or event). The key is to “D” (dispute the initial beliefs or thoughts) to therefore generate “E” (a new energy or more positive outcome or consequence). One of the suggestions for disputing the initial belief or thought is to find something to be grateful for about the adversity or event. It’s not always an easy thing to do, but I know personally, when I do it, I usually feel better about the situation.

As I was thinking about Thanksgiving and the things I am grateful for, this tool reminded me of a poem I had seen in the past about being thankful for life’s less glorious moments. A quick internet search turned up the following, which I think sums up the sentiment I wish to convey today.

i-am-thankful-for

On Thanksgiving, and hopefully every day, I will strive to see the silver lining in the difficulties and hardships that may arise, knowing there is always something for which I can be grateful.

I wish you and your loved ones a safe, relaxing and Happy Thanksgiving!

45: Celebrating the little things

Relax. This isn’t a post about the President. Having just celebrated my 45th birthday last Friday, I thought I would take a moment to share a key lesson I’ve learned over the years, one that I am most grateful for at this juncture in my life.

It’s the little things

It has taken me some time to really understand this lesson, but I have found that it truly is the little things in life that matter. I am sure I had older, wiser adults tell me this in my youth, but I think it takes living life and learning from your own journey to appreciate the message. I had a few “small moments” on my birthday and over the course of the weekend that created some special memories that I will not soon forget:

  • I had a few short trips in my car on my birthday, zipping around town from place to place. Every time I turned on the radio, some of my favorite songs happened to be playing. I couldn’t help but smile and sing along at the top of my lungs. Thanks to the universe’s DJ for spinning my favorite tunes!

 

  • During one of my car trips, I was approaching a red light at the bottom of a hill. To my left, there was a maintenance worker driving one of those industrial lawn mowers, trimming the tall grass at the corner of the road. As my car came to a stop, I instinctively looked up at the older gentleman driving the mower and we both broke out into huge grins and waved at one another. The next second, the light turned green and I was off. I have no idea who that man was, and I may never see him again in my life, but we shared a moment. A moment that set the tone for the rest of my day: it warmed my heart and made me more aware of the importance of human connection…whether with your loved ones or a perfect stranger at an intersection.

 

  • I spent most of my birthday with three other health coaches that are part of a Mastermind group. We had decided to engage in a visioning retreat, as we all desired to refocus our business efforts. After a brief check-in, we paired off for some dyad work. My colleague and I chose to answer the question “What’s inside of me that needs to get out?” For me, two themes kept coming up: the need to scratch my creative itch and the desire to inspire others. When we reconvened as a group, we all chose to make a “concrete” version (such as a vision board) of our respective visions. The coach who hosted us had brought along a plethora of arts and crafts materials, including river rocks. I knew immediately what I wanted – a simple visual reminder of my two themes: create and inspire. No need for a fancy vision board that will just gather dust in the corner. Just two simple rocks that now sit on my desk, keeping my vision in plain sight.

vision rocks

  • Perhaps the sweetest moment of the weekend unfolded on Sunday morning. I was on my way to the grocery store, when I approached the same intersection where I shared a moment with the maintenance worker. I noticed that a couple of cars in front of me seemed to be slowing down to avoid something in the road. I looked closer and saw this tiny white creature moving slowly across the road: it was a kitten, probably less than 2 months old. It was hesitating, given the large SUV and other car in its path. As a cat owner/lover, I had to do something. I pulled my car over to the shoulder and jumped out to go get it. Fortunately, there was very little traffic this early in the morning. I headed toward the kitten and when it saw me, it started to come toward me. I scooped it up and ran back to my car, gently placing it on the passenger side floor. With two other cats at home already, I knew that we couldn’t keep it, so I brought it to the emergency vet clinic in town. They said they were pretty sure they could place her (turns out “it” was a she) with a rescue group that would help find her a loving home. The whole adventure only lasted about an hour, but it was a highlight of my weekend and a birthday memory that will stay with me for years.

kitten 1

 

One of my favorite songs that I heard on the radio over the weekend is “Little Wonders,” a song from the movie Meet the Robinsons and written by Rob Thomas (who also happens to be one of my favorite singer/songwriters.) The lyrics below really capture the message in a beautiful way:

 

Our lives are made

In these small hours

These little wonders

These twists and turns of fate

Time falls away

But these small hours

These small hours still remain

 

In the future, when I look back on my 45th birthday, it is the events referenced above – those small hours and little wonders – that I will remember most.