Finding your “why”

In continuing to explore the various stages of the health coaching process model, today I will review the second stage: identifying and prioritizing the elements of the client’s vision that are most important to them and reflect significant values in their life.

The purpose of exploring client values is twofold:
1. it sets the stage for determining specific areas the client would like to address, and
2. it helps establish their real motivation for behavior change

As most of us know, behavior change can be very difficult. It takes time, effort and discipline to establish new habits or break old habits. Therefore, connecting the behavior change to those things that are most important to the client will help them embrace the change and work through the obstacles and barriers they may encounter along their journey. I like to call this stage “finding your ‘why’” as it gets at the true reason(s) the client wants to change.

The values associated with a client’s health and wellbeing may include things like spending time with family, serving their community, or being a role model to their children. Their values may also tie into their faith and spiritual beliefs. The desire to change may be tied to short-term plans or longer-term goals. For example, a mother may desire to lose weight now in order to look and feel good at her child’s upcoming wedding, but she may also want to do so to have the energy to run around with her future grandchildren.

To help a client articulate their values, I typically ask one or more of the following questions:

  • What is important to you about your health and wellbeing?

 

  • What really matters to you in your life?

 

  • What brings you joy and happiness?

 

  • What values are you honoring as you move toward your vision of optimal health and wellbeing?

Some clients may initially find it difficult to answer these questions. Many times, they may seek coaching because they feel they “have to” or “should” change a particular behavior (e.g., lose weight, start exercising, stop smoking). By exploring values and what is most important to them about their health, they may identify a different area or behavior they want to change. Clients are more likely to be successful if they choose an area they want to change versus one they feel like they need to change for external reasons.

As mentioned earlier, one of the most important reasons to help a client identify their “why” is to help them work through the challenges and obstacles that are likely to arise on their way to better health. When a client is knee deep in the action phase, perhaps waking up at the crack of dawn to fit in their daily exercise, there are bound to be days when they don’t want to do it. It is on those days and at those times of lagging motivation when the client can pause and ask themselves, “Why am I doing this again?” – and they will have their answer.

 

what is your why

It all starts with a vision

Happy New Year! I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and are optimistic about the new adventures that 2019 will bring. I thought it would be helpful to kick off the new year by reviewing the stages of the health coaching process model, beginning today with the first stage: creating an optimal health vision.

Laying the foundation

As a health and wellness coach, my primary purpose is to help individuals learn how to optimize their health and wellbeing, with an emphasis on the latter. Miriam-Webster defines wellbeing as “the state of being happy, healthy, or prosperous.” Obviously, there is some subjectivity in that definition as health, happiness and prosperity may look different for everyone…which is one reason why the initial stage in the coaching process is for the client to identify their vision of optimal health and wellbeing.

The visioning stage provides an opportunity for the client to take a broad look at their current state of health and wellbeing in preparation for developing a personalized health plan, with goals and action steps. Visioning allows clients to think about the “big picture” of health and wellbeing in their life and helps serve as part of the motivation for change.

There are a number of different strategies that coaches can use to help clients identify their optimal health vision, such as:

  1. Sending written questions regarding vision to the client to complete ahead of time and then discuss during the next session. This approach may be helpful for clients that like to take time to think things through and process questions before sharing with the coach.

 

  1. Asking open-ended questions regarding vision during the coaching session. This method may be better suited for clients who do not like “homework” and/or enjoy processing by talking things through as they go. Some example questions include:

 

  • What is your vision of yourself in your greatest health?
  • What do you look like? How do you feel?
  • What inspires you about this vision of optimal health and wellbeing?
  • What does achieving your vision of optimal health make possible in your life?

 

  1. Offering a short, guided imagery exercise to assist the client in developing their health vision. I often use the “future self” exercise, in which clients are asked to imagine themselves sometime in the future when they have achieved their vision of optimal health. Clients then paint a picture of what that looks like by describing how they look and feel, the activities they are enjoying, who they are with and what health behaviors they are engaged in (e.g., exercise, eating healthy). If the client tends to be a visual person, I invite them to capture their vision on paper with words and/or images.

For many clients, identifying their vision of optimal health may be linked with a personal mission or life purpose. It may stimulate a sense of who they are meant to be or how they want to contribute to their community and beyond. Visioning allows clients to see how their specific focus of change serves their larger intention for themselves. And perhaps most importantly, it sets the stage for identifying specific goals and action steps that will help the client achieve their vision.

Although coaches help elicit a vision at the beginning of the coaching process, we return to visioning throughout the change process, especially after a client has initiated action. Behavior change is rarely a linear process and a client’s motivation to change will ebb and flow. It can be helpful to revisit the client’s vision after they have experienced positive changes, to reinforce how their action is serving their overall vision. Or revisiting the vision may help reignite their desire to change when they are feeling stagnant or stuck. Visioning is a key thread woven throughout the entire coaching process.

Stay tuned for the next part of the coaching process which is helping clients identify what they value most about their optimal health and wellbeing, which is key to establishing the real motivation for change.

vision quote

 

 

45: Celebrating the little things

Relax. This isn’t a post about the President. Having just celebrated my 45th birthday last Friday, I thought I would take a moment to share a key lesson I’ve learned over the years, one that I am most grateful for at this juncture in my life.

It’s the little things

It has taken me some time to really understand this lesson, but I have found that it truly is the little things in life that matter. I am sure I had older, wiser adults tell me this in my youth, but I think it takes living life and learning from your own journey to appreciate the message. I had a few “small moments” on my birthday and over the course of the weekend that created some special memories that I will not soon forget:

  • I had a few short trips in my car on my birthday, zipping around town from place to place. Every time I turned on the radio, some of my favorite songs happened to be playing. I couldn’t help but smile and sing along at the top of my lungs. Thanks to the universe’s DJ for spinning my favorite tunes!

 

  • During one of my car trips, I was approaching a red light at the bottom of a hill. To my left, there was a maintenance worker driving one of those industrial lawn mowers, trimming the tall grass at the corner of the road. As my car came to a stop, I instinctively looked up at the older gentleman driving the mower and we both broke out into huge grins and waved at one another. The next second, the light turned green and I was off. I have no idea who that man was, and I may never see him again in my life, but we shared a moment. A moment that set the tone for the rest of my day: it warmed my heart and made me more aware of the importance of human connection…whether with your loved ones or a perfect stranger at an intersection.

 

  • I spent most of my birthday with three other health coaches that are part of a Mastermind group. We had decided to engage in a visioning retreat, as we all desired to refocus our business efforts. After a brief check-in, we paired off for some dyad work. My colleague and I chose to answer the question “What’s inside of me that needs to get out?” For me, two themes kept coming up: the need to scratch my creative itch and the desire to inspire others. When we reconvened as a group, we all chose to make a “concrete” version (such as a vision board) of our respective visions. The coach who hosted us had brought along a plethora of arts and crafts materials, including river rocks. I knew immediately what I wanted – a simple visual reminder of my two themes: create and inspire. No need for a fancy vision board that will just gather dust in the corner. Just two simple rocks that now sit on my desk, keeping my vision in plain sight.

vision rocks

  • Perhaps the sweetest moment of the weekend unfolded on Sunday morning. I was on my way to the grocery store, when I approached the same intersection where I shared a moment with the maintenance worker. I noticed that a couple of cars in front of me seemed to be slowing down to avoid something in the road. I looked closer and saw this tiny white creature moving slowly across the road: it was a kitten, probably less than 2 months old. It was hesitating, given the large SUV and other car in its path. As a cat owner/lover, I had to do something. I pulled my car over to the shoulder and jumped out to go get it. Fortunately, there was very little traffic this early in the morning. I headed toward the kitten and when it saw me, it started to come toward me. I scooped it up and ran back to my car, gently placing it on the passenger side floor. With two other cats at home already, I knew that we couldn’t keep it, so I brought it to the emergency vet clinic in town. They said they were pretty sure they could place her (turns out “it” was a she) with a rescue group that would help find her a loving home. The whole adventure only lasted about an hour, but it was a highlight of my weekend and a birthday memory that will stay with me for years.

kitten 1

 

One of my favorite songs that I heard on the radio over the weekend is “Little Wonders,” a song from the movie Meet the Robinsons and written by Rob Thomas (who also happens to be one of my favorite singer/songwriters.) The lyrics below really capture the message in a beautiful way:

 

Our lives are made

In these small hours

These little wonders

These twists and turns of fate

Time falls away

But these small hours

These small hours still remain

 

In the future, when I look back on my 45th birthday, it is the events referenced above – those small hours and little wonders – that I will remember most.